from Latin, literally: from the latter (that is, from effect to cause)

-adj: derived from or requiring evidence for its validation or support; empirical; open to revision

[sticky post]New Journal
I used to be deana_in_texas, but as I'm not in Texas anymore, I decided a new account was in order for a new phase in my life. I'm going to try to keep this one as public as possible, but already annoyed by spam posts.

Day one and I've already failed, came home tonight after 9pm. I've recruited my entire team to carry me out of the building at 5:30 tomorrow if necessary. Wish me luck.

Swimming lessons
Ever since my son was 8 months old we have taken him to "swimming lessons" on the weekends. I put it in quotes because he's not really swimming, of course. Although I swear that my now 10-year-old niece was able to keep her head above water before she could form real sentences... but I'm looking for proof of that. I'm sure there is a video somewhere. But she wasn't "swimming" either, just ... thrashing.

Anyway. He absolutely loves it. He wasn't a big fan of going under water at first, but now he's learned to anticipate it and does fine. Almost never comes up coughing, and if he does, it's usually my fault for timing it badly. He's very comfortable in the water, he kicks and pulls when he's asked to, he stands on the ledge and walks off into my arms, he goes on the float device without me holding on. He'll even lie on his back with his head on my shoulder and float a bit (but heaven forbid I hold him in that position with only my arms under him for support).

Each lesson is the same routine, the same order, with a different fun activity at the end (floating devices, a water slide, a boat to be pushed around in...). He knows the pattern, it's pretty impressive.

However... the more I think about it, the more I worry that this is actually making it LESS safe for him to be around water. He loves it! He jumps in! On purpose! And ... can't swim.

I know he's learning valuable skills for when he can swim later, and he'll be much more comfortable and confident in the water at that time... but. Yeah. Is it actually WORSE for his (current) safety that we are doing this? Hm.

Adulting is hard
It is so much more difficult to be active on LiveJournal than it was when I was in college. I keep meaning to get on here and write a post, but it doesn't end up happening. I had good intentions tonight... but my brain just wasn't in it. I brought the laptop to bed. But instead of writing, I cuddled my kitty, did puzzles, and then when I did get the laptop out I ended up linking family members on and find-a-grave... yeah, you can tell I'm getting old when that's what I do with my time.

During the day, it's difficult. Especially this weekend, because the baby is sick (awful sinus infection, green mucus coming out his noes AND eyes... ugh) so he is grumpy and wants to cuddle and whimper a lot. Last week we were on "vacation" but baby and husband had the vomiting virus, so it wasn't much of a vacation. Somehow I've managed to avoid all this sickness (knock on wood) but it just means that I'm taking care of them and listening to the whining.

During the free time I do get, I've started training for the half marathon in May. I did a 70 minute long run today, it went reasonably well. Next weekend, husband signed us up for a half marathon, a local one on the trails here. Of course, then it turns out he will be having surgery and can't run, so it's just me. He and baby are volunteering at one of the water stops. Part of me wanted to just cancel -- I should only be doing an 80 minute long run next weekend, this will be more like 2h 20min.. but eh. I also splurged and got a barbell and a few plates for the exercise room in the basement. Who knows if I'll really use them.

Sleep now. Maybe (hopefully) something more substantial soon.

Condom on the side of the road
This morning, we were all finally feeling well enough to get out of the house. We packed up the baby in his stroller to walk about a mile to CVS to pick up more tissues. On the way back, I noticed a condom in the grass between the sidewalk and the road. This is not the first time I've seen this.

How does this happen? Where were people having sex that made this possible?

This is a 6 lane road, with a median in the middle.

My husband and I debated it a bit. I mean, I guess the only thing that remotely makes sense to me is that they were in the backseat of a moving vehicle, and when they finished they just tossed it out the window. Because if they were in the woods off the side of the road, I'd imagine they'd just leave it there. And I doubt they were actually having sex on the sidewalk, or in the grass between it and the road... too visible. (I mean, yes, some people like the thrill of possibly getting caught, but this road is very heavily traveled, there is no chance you wouldn't be caught!</i>

We also considered the idea that maybe the driver had previously had sex and the condom was just left on the floor of the car. And then when they went to pick up someone (a friend? a parent?) who wouldn't approve, they tossed it out the window. But then, it would make more sense to toss it out the driver side window... in which case, it'd be in the median (or on the road), rather than the side with the sidewalk.

I also speculated that maybe it got blown there in the wind from somewhere else, but my husband thinks they wouldn't blow around easily, they are "surprisingly heavy" for their size, and tend to bunch up so not a lot of surface area.

Have you ever thrown a condom on the side of the road? Please explain, if so.

Doing Everything.
Only four days in and I've already missed a post. Well, it's ok. My goal isn't 100%. It's just to do it "more often". And the best way to do that is to make a habit of it. They say doing something 7 times in a row is enough to make it a habit. We'll see if I get there.

I actually thought about writing this post last night while I was in the shower, but by the time I got out and dry and into bed, I'd completely forgotten about it. Thus is my life.

On New Year's Eve, my husband and I went ice skating with a friend of ours. Each year, her church rents out the local ice rink for 2 hours on NYE. We went with her two years ago and had a great time. Last year, our son was too young for us to do that, and we hadn't left him alone with the neighbors yet. But this year, we asked the neighbors if they would watch him for a few hours, and they happily obliged. We had a great time :)

We were really enjoying ourselves, but it had been two years since we had been ice skating. And before that, I'm not sure we'd gone at all since moving to Maryland in 2011. Hm, maybe that's not true... I have a vague memory of renting skates somewhere and seeing the tail end of a pick up game? But maybe that was Texas too... Eh.

We had paid for ice skating lessons (or well, I paid for them as a Christmas gift) for the two of us when we were in grad school, and after about 30 minutes on the ice it was all sort of coming back to me. By the end, the three of us were practicing our crossovers around the circle at one end of the rink as others skated around us.

I made some comment to the effect of "we should do this more often". And I meant it!

But my husband says "we can't do everything."

:( :( :(

WHY NOT. I want to do everything!

My friend tells me I don't really want to do everything. There must be things I am not interested in doing. The subject of why her husband wasn't there with us had come up, he believes he is inept at skating, and I'd made a comment about the only way to become "ept" is to do it more often. She brought this up again - he just isn't interested in becoming better at it. Where my thing is, if I'm not good at something, that is reason for me to want to do it so I can BECOME good at it.

But again, she says that isn't really true. There are plenty of things I am not good at, and I don't care that I'm not good at it. She gave the example that for herself, she is not good at making a layup in basketball. But she feels no need to get better at it, practice a lot, pay for a coach, etc. She just ... is ok with it.

And I concede, yeah, fine, that's true. My husband says that what I really want is to not miss out on fun things with friends, and I think I agree with that. If I had a group of friends who was really into basketball, and that meant that I spent time sitting around watching them while they were all making layups, then I'd want to learn that, too.

But I still contend that I want to do EVERYTHING. Or at least, more things. I used to do "everything". People were always impressed/surprised by the number of things I do. And even now, when I talk about running, and dancing, and the number of books I read in a year, people are still impressed, especially considering I have a one-year-old now. But I'm still sad about all the things I am NOT doing.

For the last little while, I have been considering getting a tattoo. Yes, really.

Specifically, of the RAGNAR logo on my right calf. Ever since we did the ultra Ragnar race back in September, when they handed out temporary tattoos to do this with, I've been toying with the idea in my head. And then over the weekend while I was running, the audio book I was listening to had a long section that took place in a tattoo parlor. Maybe it was a sign. Probably not. But it still got me thinking about it again.

And then I am making that new list of stuff to do, and I think hmmmm... Should I put this on the list or not?

So today I mentioned it to my husband. Telling him of course he can't really disallow me from getting it, it's my body, blah etc, but I was curious how he'd react. Better than I expected, but...

He said although he isn't necessarily opposed to a tattoo in principle, especially one like what I described that is small and in an unobtrusive area, easy to hide in formal situations if necessary, etc... He said he just didn't think Ragnar was worthy of a tattoo! Not a hard enough challenge.

As if doing an ultra Ragnar less than a year after having a baby isn't hardcore enough or something!

I said what? Tell that to all the people who didn't do it, and thought we were crazy for doing it!

And he was like, yeah, but they aren't runners, they don't know... Now, if it were an iron Man, I'd totally get the tattoo, definitely worth it.

Le sigh. Anyway. I might do it.

New year, new attempt
Once again, I want to try to post more. To try and do that, I wanted to do another Mission 101. But it's hard for me to come up with 101 things. Then I thought, maybe I'll just do a year's worth of things... but then I'd have to remove a few of the things from this list because they are more than a year out.

Anyway, here's a list of some things I want to do. I will probably make the list longer as I think of more things.

If we actually consider it a Mission 101, I have until September 29, 2019 to complete all this stuff.

1. Run a half marathon in under 2 hours.
2. Run a “location” ragnar
3. Run a race at Disney with Kristy
4. Do the obstacle course thing next to lake elkhorn or lake kitti
5. Go to finland
6. Do a mediterranean cruise
7. update all passwords to be random
8. contribute meaningfully to open source
9. publish the hashing paper
10. Go through the stacks of newspapers so they can be recycled
11. attend at least two ASL meetups
12. all US stamps in album or catalogued
13. Finish photographing and uploading whitneyville cemetery
14. Fully photograph two additional cemeteries
15. Fix the beads on the black and white shirt
16. Make tank tops out of the t-shirts I saved
17. Do another new baby cross-stitch
18. Win nanowrimo
19. Do some of the cross stitch Christmas ornaments
20. Do one of those escape rooms
21. Find a primary care physician I like
22. Find a new family dentist we like
23. Go to the eye doctor
24. Go to the dermatologist
25. See the northern lights with my family
26. Go somewhere in the southern hemisphere
27. Drive north from Machias on rt. 1 until I get to the end
28. Visit PEI/Newfoundland
29. Try one of those dinner delivery services
30. Be able to do 5 chin ups in a row by the end of the challenge.
31. Spirit cruise in baltimore inner harbor
32. take brenden to an aquarium
33. participate in another formal dance event
34. do one of those painting night things

repetitive goals:
see more movies in theatre. maybe once a month? every other month?
average one book a week (only read 41 in 2016. it's hard with a toddler!)
read one hour a week journal/conference papers in my field
take a photo/screenshot every day of something that makes me happy
something about the DC walks cards
something about going dancing sometimes

RIP Meggie
Unfortunately, last weekend we had to say our last goodbyes to our sweet dog, Meg. She was almost 12 years old. She'd been having some weird liver problems for over a year now, but it seemed to be under control and the vet said she was hoping we'd get 3 more good years out of Meg. No such luck.

sad storyCollapse )

I keep wondering, "what if" we had gotten there sooner, but of course that doesn't change anything. And she was old, and had liver problems anyway, so this may have just been the end of that progression. It was just so sudden and she'd had a great appetite and a lot of energy right through Friday afternoon. The vet said maybe in romping around in the snow she knocked loose a blood clot or shifted an organ which just kicked it all off :/

I feel so awful still about Friday when she wanted to go outside and we didn't let her because we thought she "just" wanted to play. We just kept telling her "we'll get to play tomorrow, Meg." "There will be so much more snow to play in tomorrow!" But of course, tomorrow never happened. I feel awful because she had to poop inside because we wouldn't let her out. But I also feel awful because if I'd have known it was the end of her life, I would have taken her out to play as much as she wanted.

Why do we put things off until tomorrow? What if tomorrow doesn't happen? It caused me to prioritize taking the baby out in the snow to get pictures.

And I also started thinking about perception. When I was riding in the truck, we got the most evil glares from people who were out shoveling or playing in the snow. One guy even yelled at us to get off the road. Everyone HAD been told by the local authorities to stay off the roads so the plows and emergency vehicles could get through. And I know that had everything been going well in my life, I probably would have been muttering under my breath about the "idiots" in the big truck who were out on the roads when they shouldn't have been. Makes me really think -- maybe those "idiots" aren't just out for a joy ride. We should learn to give people the benefit of the doubt.

Similarly, it turns out the really nice guy with the big truck is the same guy I have been cursing every night at 3am since I moved in - his big truck is really loud when he comes home, and also he plays music with loud bass. But he was so nice, and even sat around at the vet for an hour waiting for us... I won't curse him anymore.
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Back when we'd only been dating about a year or so, I saw a commercial during a hockey game for some really nice fountain pens. For some reason, I really wanted them, and told Ryan to get them for me for Christmas. He didn't like the idea, and said he already had thought of things to get me. But when I pressed him for info, he didn't want to tell me what he was getting, because he wanted it to be a surprise.

We got into a long discussion about how (from my perspective) this was silly. After all, I'd told him what I wanted. If he went with his surprise, there was a chance I wouldn't like it. But I was guaranteed to like these pens, because I'd asked for them! But he believed it was better for Christmas gifts to have some thought_ put into them, not just to go buy something from a list. Different philosophies, I guess.

We agreed to disagree, as long as I could reserve the right to (potentially) not like whatever surprise he got me. And he needed to tell me what to buy him.

But then every time we saw that commercial from then until Christmas I made some snarky comment about the present that I wouldn't be getting. Looking back, I can't believe how passive aggressive bitchy I was being! Though I feel like I intended it as a "ha ha" funny joke.

Anyway, Christmas comes along, and wouldn't you know, he bought me the pens! I was truly surprised! I immediately took them out and wrote on some paper ... and then put them up and I'm pretty sure I haven't opened the box since. UGH, such a horrible person. Every time I see that box in the closet I cringe a little inside.

Then again, I'm pretty sure he got me something else for Christmas that year, a "compromise" of sorts, where he got me the thing I wanted, but also a surprise thoughtful gift. But for the life of me, I couldn't tell you what it was. And yet, I'll always remember these damn pens.

In other news, this year a few weeks before Christmas I declared that I wanted a fitbit and a tablet. And on Christmas Day, wouldn't you know I opened up a Fitbit Charge HR and a Kindle Fire! So I've been sure to use them both every day!


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